The Depressed Space Hippies
by Soon to be world renown Gracie
Summary: The sequal to Happy Space Nazis! More action! More humor! More drug usage! More random items bursting into flames! Read, laugh, review...Sequal to the sequal up!
1. The Almighty Spinny Chair

AN: this is the sequal to Happy Space Nazis. If you haven't read that, I suggest you do. This story can be read alone, but you might be lost in a few places because of some references to the other story. But hey, I don't care how you read it as long as I get reviews! Thanks!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Startrek, as much as I wish I did, cause then it'd be soooo much better and there'd be soo much more Chekov! I do, however, own Johnsen, Gracie, and Roper. Well...Roper's my ex-boyfriend so feel free to take him and torture him as much as you want. The other two you must have permission for. So...yeah...  
  
******  
  
CAPTAIN'S looooooooog: stardate: 2729: things are (dp) almost back to normal her on (dp) The Enterprise...  
  
"Captain. I have detected a planet approximately 7.224 lightyears away. I believe it would be a good place for shore leave and study."  
  
"I see (dp) Spock. (dp) put it (dp) on screeeeeeeeen," Kirk was once more in his 'sexy pose'.  
  
On screen, a tie-dyed planet appeared.  
  
"What (dp) PLANET is this, (dp) Mr. Spock?"  
  
"The planet of the Depressed Space Hippies, Captain."  
  
"I see. Let us (dp) BEAM DOOOOOOOOOOWN (dp) to the (dp) planet."  
  
Kirk, Sulu, Spock, and Chekov went to the turbolift to go down to the transporter room.  
  
They walked into the transporter room, meeting Dr.McCoy, three redshirts, and a female engineer. One of the redshirts was looking nervously at the engineer who was glaring evilly at the redshirt and handleing a repair tool as though she were going to use it for things the designers never intended.  
  
"Are you (dp) READY Dr. (dp) McCoy?"  
  
"dammit, Jim, I'm a doctor, not a death crazed trucker!"  
  
Spock nodded and translated, "I see. He is ready, Captain."  
  
Everyone got onto the transporter pad and Kyle (I mean the Almighty Taco God...) beamed them down.  
  
They were immediantly surrounded by hippies on all sides. At once, 2 of the redshirts were killed.  
  
Dr.McCoy knelt down to check their vital signs, "They're dead, Jim."  
  
The redshirt sho was left looked again at the female nervously, "Uh...Captain...permission to die, sir."  
  
Kirk looked at the blonde redshirt, "Permission (dp) DENIIIIIIIIIED!"  
  
The redshirt mumbled nervously under his breath, "damn crazed exgirlfriend. She's gonna kill me."  
  
"Redshirt Roper!" The female engineer had an evil glint in her eyes.  
  
"Uh...y-yes, Ensign Gracie?"  
  
"Come here, please."  
  
"Um...if you don't mind, ...I'd rather not..."  
  
The head hippy came to the captain, "'Sup, dude? Sorry 'bout the killin', man," he had a slow, sad talk, "but ya know, man. Society is just makin' us like this man."  
  
"Yes (dp) dude. I (dp) UNDERSTAND MAAAAAAAN."  
  
Sulu looked around and saw it. It. The biggest, cushionyist spinny/rolly chair he had ever seen.  
  
He walked slowly to it, taking it in all its glory.  
  
"It's magnificiant, isn't it, man?" A blonde hippy woman stood beside it, "It is our god. We worship it by spinning in smaller versions of it."  
  
He gasped in amazement, "Can I worship with you?!"  
  
"Sure, dude, anyone's welcome." They walked off, hand in hand, toward the house of the smaller spinny chairs, narrowly avoiding Roper who was being chased by Gracie.  
  
"Come here, you Dumkopf! I want to rip you limb from limb!"  
  
Suddenly the Almighty Spinny Chair burst into flames. Sulu fell to his knees, "NOOOOOOOOOO!" He started sobbing.  
  
"Johnsen!"  
  
Oops...  
  
*******  
  
AN: There one chapter down, six more to go... 


	2. More Beating of Redshirt Roper

CAPTAIN'S looooog: stardate: 2730: We are (dp) STUCK OOOON (dp) this freakish planet until (dp) Scotty somehow (dp) fixes the engines...  
  
"Captain! Look what I found!"  
  
Kirk leisurely strolled over to Sulu and Dr.McCoy.  
  
"What did (dp) you find (dp) Sulu?"  
  
Gracie came up from behind, "If it's a brain it belongs to Roper. He lost it along time ago."  
  
"Hey!" Roper came from their left, wisely avoiding Gracie. He looked around, "Huh. Where's Mr.Spock?"  
  
"I am right behind you, Mr.Roper." Under his breath he mumbled, "dumbass."  
  
"Ahhh!" Roper jumped 10 feet into the air.  
  
"What (dp) did yo-" Captain Kirk was cut off when Roper came crashing down onto him. Kirk rolled out from under Roper's fat ass. When Roper didn't get up, Dr.McCoy went and checked his vital signs.  
  
"He's dead, Jim."  
  
Roper groaned, "No I'm not, sir *cough*...ow..."  
  
"Oh, get up you baby!" Gracie started chasing after him again.  
  
"So..." Everyone looked around nervously until finally Sulu spoke up, "Anyway..."  
  
Gracie appeared out of nowhere, "Back on the farm..." She disappeared just as suddenly.  
  
"Ok...So any-" Sulu stopped short, not wanting Gracie to appear again, "Captain, we found a space craft that apparentlly crashed about five minutes ago."  
  
"And how (dp) do you know that (dp) Mr. Sulu?"  
  
"We watched it crashing, sir."  
  
"...I see..."  
  
Screams rang from the countryside. "Perhaps we should go help, sir!" Gracie yelled as she continued chasing Roper with a large mallet.  
  
"(dp) Agreed, Ensign."  
  
As they ran to go help, Roper suddenly burst into flames.   
  
"Johnsen!"  
  
Oops... 


	3. The Penguins Appear

CAPTAIN'S looooooog: stardate: 2731: I have (dp) left Ensigh (dp) Gracie back at the shiiiiiiip to (dp) try and see how it (dp) works. I have also (dp) left Mr. Roper with her (dp) as they seem to (dp) get along so well. (dp) I do not (dp) UNDERSTAAAAAAND (dp) Miss. Gracie's evil laugh (dp) when I (dp) LEFT HIM THERE (dp) though...  
  
"Sar! Vhat time is it?" Kirk checked his wat ch.  
  
"1650, Ensign (dp) Chekov."  
  
Chekov grinned maniacally.  
  
Music was coming from a home on the hillside. Spock suddenly brightened and dashed into the home.  
  
"Huh...Weird..."  
  
Approximately 2.4 seconds later, he came out with a 'fro', a tye-dyed t-shirt, platform shoes, and a tye-dyed headband, "'Sup dudes?"  
  
Sulu looked at him, blinking, "So...anyway-"  
  
"Back on the farm..." Gracie appeared and disappeared once more.  
  
"I have GOT to stop doing that...so...moving on..."  
  
They started walking once more.  
  
"It iiiis (dp) 1700 (dp) Mr. Chekov..." He looked around, "Mr. (dp) Chekov?" He was already gone.  
  
"Dr.McCoy (dp) can you tell (dp) WHAT'S (dp) going ooooon?"  
  
"Dammit Jim! I'm a doctor, not Spock!"  
  
Everyone looked at him and blinked, "Well...at least he made sense this time..." Sulu said.  
  
They continued, "Jeez! How high up is this hill?!"  
  
A penguin appeared on the horizon. "Look Captain!" Sulu yelled and pointed, "A penguin!"  
  
"Thank you, Captain Obvious."  
  
Spock told him.  
  
"Hey! I just got promoted! I'm going to go order people to build me the biggest, nicest spinny chair in the known universe!" He rushed off.  
  
"Dammit, Spock! Stop (dp) giving promotions (dp) like that!"  
  
Spock just giggled insanely.  
  
Suddenly, the penguin burst into flames.  
  
"Johnsen!"  
  
Oops... 


	4. The Fight with the Head Hippy aka Oh God...

CAPTAIN'S looooog: stardate: 2732: We have (dp) FIGURED OOOOOOOOUUT (dp) what is (dp) TERRORIZING (dp) the countryside. It is (dp) giant penguins (dp) We have gone (dp) to get (dp) Ensign Gracie and (dp) hopefully Redshirt Roper (dp) and also (dp) to warn the native....  
  
They walked to the town quickly. "Uh, Captain, shouldn't we run if this is so important?" Roper asked.  
  
"Shut up, Redshirt Roper. (dp) I'm the Captain here."  
  
"Captain...Perhaps we should run to warn the townspeople of the horrible, advancing alien penguins, sir," Gracie spoke up.  
  
"Good idea (dp) Ensign (dp) Let's run."  
  
Gracie flashed a smile at Roper and took off running. The others followed.   
  
When they arrived at the village everyone was worshipping their god who was a little crispy but still tender on the inside.  
  
They walked into the worshipping building and sat in spinny chairs next to Sulu who, with glee obvious on his face, was spinning in one of the chairs.  
  
Kirk looked at all the beautiful hippy girls and decided to strike his 'sexy pose'.  
  
The head hippy jumped out of his chair and rushed up to Kirk, "You have broken one of our oldest laws and have angered the Almighty Spinny Chair, man. You must fight me to save you life and the lives of your crew, dude."  
  
"His crew?! What did we do?!" Ensign Gracie jumped to her feet and yelled.  
  
"I really don't know. It just sounds cool and I'm really high. I need something to do," he shrugged.  
  
"Oh. Ok. Take Roper first." She pushed Roper toward the hippy.  
  
"Hey! uh...hi?"  
  
"Fine! (dp) I will (dp) FIIIIIGHT you."  
  
They walked into a large fighting circle and struck fighting poses.. "I'll referee!"Gracie yelled, "Ready? Fight!"  
  
Before anyone could strike a blow, Kirk's shirt ripped exposing his chest and one arm.  
  
Everyone did one of those anime sweatdrop/facefault things (including the lauge eyes and feet in the air).  
  
"Ok, hippy (dp) let's fight," Kirk said.  
  
But the hippy was on the ground twitching, still in the anime-facefault-position.  
  
"Huh..." Kirk's communicator cackled, "Kirk (dp) here."  
  
Captain! Scotty's voice boomed, making everyone cover their ears and back away from the communicator, I've fixed the engines while ya've been doune there! Also the transporter, the turbolifts, the leaky faucet, the burnt out lightbulb, the highpitched squeek of your command chair and the coffee maker! I can beam you all up now if ya want!  
  
"Well (dp) Scotty, we're (dp) IN the middle of some (dp) IMPORTANT-"  
  
Gracie ran up and grabbed the communicator, rolling her eyes, "Yes! Beam us up Scotty!"  
  
They shimmered out of existence and back onto Enterprise.  
  
"Ahhhhh! Ewewewewewewew!!" Gracie started jumping up and down in disgust, shielding her eyes from the horrid sight.  
  
Everyone else groaned and covered their eyes.  
  
"I'M BLIND! MY EYES!!" Gracie fell to her knees screaming.  
  
"Very funny, (dp) Scotty. Now (dp) BEAM UUUUP (dp) my clothes," Kirk put his hands on his hips in what he thought was a meanicing pose. This only made it worse.  
  
"Ah! Cover up! Cover up!"  
  
Scotty laughed evilly and beamed up Kirk's clothes. As soon as he put them on they suddenly burst into flames. He screamed like a 7 year old girl and ran in small circles.  
  
"Johnsen!"  
  
Oops... 


	5. The Penguins AppearAgain

CAPTAIN'S loooooooog: stardate: 2733: We are (dp) UNDER ATTTTTTACK by (dp) giant alien penguins. Spock is (dp) high (dp) and loose on the (dp) ship...  
  
"SPOOOOOOCK (dp) have yopu (dp) stolen my (dp) toupee once more?" Kirk called on the intercom and then smacked himself on the forehead when he heard muffled laughter from the ship, "Stupid..."  
  
"Yo, Cap'n!" Spock's voice came from the comm.  
  
"(dp) Yes (dp) Spock?"  
  
"I got your toupee and...uh...oh yeah...them giant penguins is attackin' yo-yo."  
  
"I'llllllllll (dp) be right there (dp) Spock!"  
  
He raced up to the bridge-not wearing his toupee and not noticing stares and giggles from the crew.  
  
He burst onto the bridge and stopped when everyone laughed and pointed. He suddenly realized why. He ran a hand across his scalp, cringing when it squeeked. This only made them laugh louder and point more (if that was possible).  
  
He stormed over to Spock and ripped his toupee off Spock's head, shoving it forcefully onto his own. It was totally messed up. It was backwards and all over the place. He tried to pull it off and put it back on right, however, the glue was sticky and it wouldn't let go of his head. He sighed in frustration and threw himself dramatically into his Captain's chair. "Ooooon screen," he said.  
  
A giant penguin appeared on the screen, "Quack, quackquack, quack, quack."  
  
[Translation: Greetings, you ugly warm blooded fool.]  
  
"I believe (dp) IIIIIIIIIII (dp) speak a little Quack."  
  
Everybody groaned, remembering the fiasco with Hitler.  
  
"Ahem...Quack quackish quack quacker quack quack."  
  
[Translation: You are stupid and I will destroy you.]  
  
"*gasp!* Captain! Do you have any idea what you just said!?" Uhura cried in dismay.  
  
"Of course (dp) Uhura. Ahem, 'We arrrrrre (dp) on a peaceful mission.' (dp) I quoted (dp) of course."  
  
She smacked herself on the forhead for ever putting faith in this stupid being of a Captain, "No! You said, And I quote, 'you are stupid and I will destry you ' end quote."  
  
"How did you learn so many languages?" asked Sulu as he spun rapidly in his chair.  
  
She shrugged, "It's a gift."  
  
On screen, the penguin seemed angry. It's eyes narrowed to small slits and red beams shot from them. The screen started to melt. Suddenly his image disappeared.  
  
"Sar! Ship es charging fazars!"  
  
"Fazars? What the hell are fazars?" Sulu spun to look at his Russian comrade.  
  
"Uh..I believe he meant to say 'phasers', Sulu." Uhura piped up from her seat in the back.  
  
"Oh..."  
  
The ship rocked with the force of the fazars...I mean phasers...on the Enterprise's hull.  
  
"Sar! Shields are up!"  
  
"Did IIIIII (dp) say to (dp) put up shields (dp) Mr.Chekov?"  
  
"Vell...no sar..."   
  
"THEN DOOOOOON'T."  
  
"Ok. It is your life," Chekov shrugged nonchalantly and lowered shields.  
  
"That's better."  
  
Another fazar...dammit PHASER...blast rocked the ship, "SHIELDS UP! (dp) DAMMIT CHEKOV! (dp) WHY WEREN'T THESE (dp) SHIIIIIELDS ALREADY UP?!"  
  
Chekov banged his head repeatedly against the console. Suddenly his completely out of style 60's wig burst into flames.  
  
"Ahhh!!!"  
  
"Johnsen!"  
  
"Oops..." 


	6. Chekov?

AN: just for prosteriety: another disclaimer: yay. I do not own startrek. I do, however, own Gracie, Johnsen, Roper, the Depressed Space Hippies, the Giant Alien Penguins and this story plot. Please do not sue me, I am a poor high school student. If you do happen to sue me all you will get is court fees and a crappy '90 Beretta that doesn't run and perhaps some books. So take that. Feel free to use Roper but only for torture purposes. All other use of any characters that are mine and/or story plot must have permission which I generally give freely as long as you ask, because let's face it, who am I to deny the pleasures of making fun of Startrek? oh, I also don't own the song 'Starry-eyed Surprise' Trust me, you wouldn't want to hear me sing anything.  
  
********  
  
CAPTAIN'S looog: stardate: 2734: We are (dp) STILL (dp) under atttttack by (dp) giant alien penguins. (dp) Spock is (dp) STILL HIIIIIIIIIIGH (dp) therefore there (dp) is really no use for this log...  
  
Chekov sat with georgeous hair now that his wig was gone. Many of the ship's females were around him drooling, thus leaving most stations unmanned.  
  
Kirk sat pouting because all the women were paying attention to Chekov instead of him.  
  
"Sar! Geeant Alien Penguins attacking!"  
  
"Geeant? What the hell is Geeant?"  
  
"Giant, Ok?! I'm really from Conneticut! You think it's easy to talk like this day in and day out?!" Chekov ranted.  
  
"Well I know it's not, ok," Sulu's accent suddenly changed, "I am actually from Tokyo. You American boy pay top dolla for wig."  
  
"Uh, guys?" Uhura, among the hordes of women still drooling around Chekov, spoke, "You realize there is a battle going on, right?  
  
"Then shouldn't you be at your station?" Chekov asked.  
  
"Oh...uh..." The females looked around sheepishly, wiped the drool from their faces, brushed off their uniforms, and scattered to their stations. All but one that is.  
  
"Uh...Chekov? Here's my room number...and what time I get off my shift. Come see me, K?"Ensign Gracie skipped off when he took the paper and nodded, humming Starry-Eyed Surprise.  
  
This was a mistake. Spock, rushing onto the bridge from God only knows, burst into song, "Oh. My. Starry-Eyed Surprise. Sundown to sunrise. Dance all night," Spock chicken strutted to his seat and sat, spinning his chair.  
  
"Nice of you (dp) join us (dp) Spcok," Kirk said with vast scarcasm.  
  
"Sure Cap'n yo-yo. Heard my song, dawg. My homie. My homie-g."  
  
"*sigh* (dp) Just get us (dp) OUT OFFFFFFFFFF (dp) this battle."  
  
"Sure, Cap'n. Put me (dp) on screeeeeeeeeeeeen," he said, imitating Kirk perfectly.  
  
"Uh...Sure..."Kirk stumbled though his words.  
  
Spock smiled evilly, sprinted over to Kirk, ripped his toupee of his head-causing Kirk to scream like a little girl and fall to the floor in hesterical sobs-and stood in front of the screen, putting the toupee on.  
  
The head penguin appeared on the half melted screen looking quite pissed.  
  
"Quack?"  
  
[Translation: What the hell do you want?]  
  
"Quack. Quacker quack quack quackish quacked."  
  
[Translation: I am sorry for the previous display of stupidity. Please leave me to cry in my quarters as I think about how I don't deserve this command.]  
  
"Quack quack."  
  
[Translation: I think this is a reasonable request. Verywell. I leave you to cry."  
  
"Quack quack quacker quacking quackish quacked quacks quack quack."  
  
[Translation: Thanks.]  
  
"Quack."  
  
[Translation: Sure.]  
  
The penguin shimmered off screen, leaving only the view of a velvet blanket with holes cut out.   
  
"There, Captain. I believe everything will be fine now. If I have permission to leave the bridge, I'm quite hungry."  
  
Kirk stood shakily up, wiping tears from his face, "Permission granted."  
  
Spock walked two steps toward the turbolift before stopping and taking off Kirk's toupee, "I believe this is yours Captain. He handed it to Kirk.  
  
"Thanks Spock," Kirk plopped down into his command chair as Spock walked calmly off the bridge.  
  
Yes, it seemed everything was back to normal on the Enterprise. But chances were it wouldn't stay that way for long. As the beautiful swan shape of the Enterprise glided through the stars-  
  
Suddenly the whole saucer section burst into flames.  
  
"Johnsen!"  
  
"Oops..." 


	7. The EndFor Now

CAPTAIN'S loooooooog: stardate: 2735: Spock iiiiiis (dp) no longer high and (dp) my head no longer feels (dp) like a throbbing jalapino. (dp) All in all (dp) I'd say-  
  
Suddenly the Captain's log burst into flames.  
  
"Johnsen!"  
  
"Oops..."  
  
***************  
  
AN: There. Another story done.It occurs to me that I have not given credit where credit is due, and I'm not sure if I did it on the Happy Space Nazis. Either way, I'd like to acknowledge my friend, John, for helping with ideas when I was stuck, Ciara Irish Emerald (PLEASE STOP CHANGING YOUR DARN NAME!!!) for reviewing and helping with spelling although I seriously doubt her help did alot because I'm an attrocious speller (see?) even with help. 45 min. looking though the yellow pages trying to find: 'bycycle'. *shakes head* anyway, I'd also like to thank any and all who reviewed. It's your reviews and the thoughts at getting even with my evil English teachers that say I can't write well that keep me writing. And if you stop reviewing I'll only have evil thoughts to go on and that would just be soo horrible!!! Well, now I'm rambeling, so I'll go write some more. *screams ring out* Oh shut up. I'll make it better, don't you worry. Tschuss! 


End file.
